Tilting at Windmills

Every school has them: people whose very existence sucks up needed oxygen that the rest of us could put to better use.

OU beat “reporters” Dean Blevins and James Hale are to journalism as cholera is to my digestive tract. The next time either one of them say anything relevant or do any actual “reporting” will be the first.

Today’s complete waste of space comes straight out of Austin, though. May I present, Geoff Ketchum, whose reputation (like Hale) is built on incessantly calling 17-18 year old kids and encouraging asking them to come to the school he covers … and if they’re not, why not. Both guys are a walking knuckle-dragging NCAA violation waiting to happen. Unlike Hale, Ketchum can (sometimes) spell and string coherent sentences together and, unlike our former commander in chief, doesn’t completely make up a new language with words and phrases like “saddenly” and “for all intensive purposes.” Seriously, if you’re in for a laugh and not wanting anything of real substance, wait about 3-4 days after an OU game for Hale to get off his fat, Structure sweater vest-wearing ass to hunt and peck out a postgame report that was dictated to him by the OU SID. Whatever you do, though, don’t pretend you know a thing about the English language because apparently they didn’t have a Grammar 101 class in the federal pen.

Anywho, today’s skilly (H/T James!) is about Ketchum, or “Ketch” as he likes to be called by sycophants who like sucking up to suckups. Ketch is full of great zingers, such as going live on Austin radio a few years back and proclaiming Bob Stoops to have “never landed a recruit that Mack Brown wanted.” This was around 2006.

Do the math, folks.

Even Longhorn fans think Ketchum’s a douche. Yesterday’s whopper, however, was maybe Ketch’s best moment. During his afternoon Austin radio show, he had Will Carroll, a baseball guy who writes for Baseball Prospectus, tell him emphatically that Bradford is done for the season. Naturally, Ketchum lapped it right up like the good Pavlovian he is whenever there’s something even remotely negative to “report” about OU. Shortly after the interview, Ketch posted this on his message board (and I’m not even going to give him the courtesy of a reacharound link):

Just talked to Will Carroll on The Drive and he said that Sam Bradford’s injury is considered worse than they originally thought and there’s probably o way he gets back in six weeks…eight weeks at the earliest.

I asked him if some of the stuff I had heard was true:

1. Three doctors have told him to all but shut it down.
2. His family doesn’t want him to play.
3. Stoops and Sam are pushing for a return and waiting for some good news that isn’t likely coming.

He said what I mentioned was almost exactly what’s going on.

I’ll have the audio up within the hour. Really interesting stuff.

That’s really interesting stuff, Ketch! Let’s trace the ethos of your source and see if we can find any credibility since you have zero:

1. Will Carroll is a baseball guy who writes about, well, baseball shit – not football.
2. Will Carroll lives in Illinois which isn’t even remotely close to Oklahoma or any inside sources he may think he has.
3. A quick Google search reveals this about Will Carroll:
   Carroll is sometimes criticized in sports forums for his reporting of injury and trade rumors.

   For example, critics cite his statements:

   * That a trade of Manny Ramirez to the Florida Marlins had been completed and sent to the commissioner’s office for perfunctory approval. Ramirez was later traded to the Los Angeles Dodgers.
   * That a trade of Johan Santana to the Boston Red Sox was all but done at the 2008 deadline. Santana stayed with the Minnesota Twins and later joined the New York Mets.
   * Ramirez having a torn meniscus in 2008. He finished the 2008 season with one of the best performances by any hitter in 2008.

   In his defense, Carroll explains that the rumors he reports on constantly change, and in any case he does not state them as definite facts. One of Carroll’s columns is aptly titled ‘the Rumor Mill’.

Wow, so Carroll makes a living at writing a bullshit column about … bullshit. It’s also baseball bullshit, which is supposed to be his forte and he’s not even getting that right.

Even more interesting that people with actual connections inside the OU program (H/T Josh McCustion) say that Bradford has been throwing in practice, as far back as last week before the Idaho State game. It’s what I’m being told and I don’t have the link for it, unfortunately, because it’s on a $ site, but if you’re interested, by all means go find the information and tell Josh I sent you (that’ll be 5 more sheckels, Josh).

So, from this we can infer that Bradford is likely on track to return in “2-4 weeks” from the time of his injury, like we’re being told. Of course, I’m not reporting that as fact, although I would like Will Carroll’s “informed” opinion on the subject.

Mike Gundy. He’s a man. He’s 42. His hair would make a porcupine proud. He’s weird.

OSU fans think that it is great that he sits on the bench during OSU defensive series and draws plays. They admire his focus, his intensity. They voice the opinion that he KNOWS he isn’t a defensive guy and he is going to channel his attention to areas that he knows about. Others respond with “he’s the freaking head coach. He should be involved in all aspects of the game. Shoot, if nothing else he ought to at least act interested in his defense.” To OSU fans, and many in the local media, Gundy can do no wrong. From his goofy rant which has now become “he supports his players” to his lack of coaching his defense, the legend of Mike Gundy grows. Or perhaps the spin grows.

Garbage!

Hand picked by T. Boone, admired by Mike Holder and the golden boy of OSU quarterbacks, Gundy is firmly entrenched as the head man at OSU unless he just tears the program up. To his credit he has OSU sitting on the edge of possibly their greatest season ever, but the question is can he take them to the next level? That remains to be seen.

I would argue that Gundy is a product of T. Boone’s money, the recruiting demise of Texas A&M and favorable scheduling. Will he win the Big 12 South? If so, it will have to be this year. Will OSU fans be happy with 9-3 and 8-4 seasons without beating OU or Texas? Probably.

This is a key year for Gundy. OSU is picked 3rd in the South. The schedule is favorable, and with an upset or two they could challenge for the Big 12 South title. If things go as predicted they will finish 10-2 and play in a really good bowl game. Will they beat OU in Norman? No. Can they upset Texas in Stillwater? Perhaps. Pull off 1 of those and the legend of Gundy will grow. Play OU in Norman for the South title and he’ll be the toast of Stillwater.

But in my opinion he will be a really good offensive minded coach in a great situation funded by an eccentric billionaire who wants to buy a championship. If Gundy can’t deliver a title, then how long will Pickens wait? Will Gundy be saying some day “I’m a man, I’m 50” and still be at OSU?

We’ll see.

Here we are, folks. The heat is bearing down, we’re relegated to watching Tour de France and tennis (I’m sure some of you are actually baseball fans) and we’re pat-pat-patting our feet in anticipation of late August and early September.

Well, it’s closer than we think. Students will be returning to campus in about a month, meaning fall practices will be starting around the same time. We at TaW are itching to get going now, though.

So, to cure your football fix through the heat and anticipation in July, we’re going to bring you a six-week series previewing the fortunes of all 12 conference teams and their coaches.

We’ll start this week with Nebraska and culminate in August with your Oklahoma Sooners. Here’s a preview of what to expect:

Week of July 6

Nebraska

In his first full season at the helm of the Cornhuskers, Bo Pelini improved a 5-7 team in 2007 to 9-4 in 2008. ponderos will look at what the defensive-minded Pelini can do to capitalize on the Huskers’ big bowl win over Clemson and what the Big Red will look like with junior Zac Lee taking over from the prolific Joe Ganz under center.

Just sayin ...

Week of July 13

Missouri

How will Mizzou look in the post-Chase Daniel era? We’ll find out a lot about Gary Pinkel’s coaching ability as he cobbles together an offense without the talents of Daniel and all-everything receiver Jeremy Maclin.

Iowa State

The Cyclones are hoping that another ex-Auburn defensive coordinator, Paul Rhoads, can turn around the fortunes from the mess left behind by Gene Chizik. ISU is paying Rhoads a reported $5.75 million over 5 years, so at least the financial commitment is there. ponderos will examine ISU’s upcoming 2009 season, which will ride and fall on the shoulders of second-year starter, dual-threat quarterback Austen Arnaud.

Week of July 20

Colorado

Is Dan Hawkins on the hot seat? He’s 8-17 in his three years in Boulder and has yet to have a winning season. TaW’s Blatant Homer will talk about whether Hawkins can put enough wins together in 2009 to save his job.

Kansas

Mark Mangino might be the most underrated coach in the country. He’s 3-1 in bowl games since taking over in 2002, including a big BCS win in the 2007 FedEx Orange Bowl. Oread Boom Kings’ Hiphopopotamus will give a Kansas fan’s perspective of the 2009 season, which will no doubt include a look at quarterback Todd Reesing, who might just be the best signal-caller in the Big 12 north this year.

Week of July 27

Kansas State

“Sleepless in Manhattan” returns to the Purple Power this year as Bill Snyder tries to turn around a program that unceremoniously dumped Ron Prince under dubious circumstances. TaW’s Coach Bo has a, ahem … special affinity for the Wildcats and will bring a unique perspective to the KSU 2009 preview. Don’t forget your Power Towel!

Baylor

TaW’s Big 12 South coverage will begin in Waco where the preseason excitement hasn’t been this high in over 20 years when Grant Teaff was at the helm. Sophomore quarterback Robert Griffin is for real and is already giving coaches around the Big 12 gameplanning fits (H/T, Mike Sherman). TaW’s Blatant Homer will preview the Bears’ 2009 chances under second-year head coach Art Briles, who already has an A&M pelt on his wall and scared the bejeezus out of Tech and Missouri last season.

Week of August 3

Texas Tech

It bears repeating: Tech beat Texas last year. The single-biggest win in corsair Mike Leach’s career caused the entire Longhorn nation to collectively and permanantly lodge their panties in their cracks. The Tortilla Retort’s dedfischer will look at the monumental task Leach has in front of him this year after losing quarterback Graham Harrell and All-American wideout Michael Crabtree.

Oklahoma State

How many years will OSU be a program on the rise? Mike “I’m a man!” Gundy had his Cowboys in the Top 10 at one time last year and many feel they should be there in the preseason, mainly due to dual-threat quarterback Zac Robinson. TaW’s duncansooner takes one for the team to research and document the Pokes’ 2009 season. No word on if he’ll offend any mothers … of children.

Week of August 10

Texas A&M

Second-year head coach Mike Sherman (4-8 in his first year at College Station) would be on one of the hottest seats in the country were it not for other problems in College Station. TaW will look at whether the Sherminator can solve the myriad of problems facing the Aggies in 2009, which include doing something about a 3-10 record to the Lubbock Sand Aggies since the inception of the Big 12, and what looks to be an ugly trip to Norman.



Don't you wish you had him back, Aggies?

Texas

BCS-gate, Asterisk-gate and another year without a conference title. Sounds like nothing much has changed for Mack Brown and the Horns. They’re pinning their hopes on a 2-1 record in the last 3 games against Oklahoma, though. TaW will look at UT’s fortunes with third-place Heisman finisher Colt McCoy returning for his senior season and Sergio Kindle trying desperately to stay on the team, barring his turning any more west campus housing into a Junior’s Party Barn drive-thru.



Add that to the trophy case, Mack.

Week of August 17

Oklahoma

Is this the year Stoops finally gets over the BCS hump? Some publications are putting OU’s defense as tops in the country. Indeed, the Sooners’ defensive line could rival the Harris-Dvoracek front from the early 2000s. Heisman winner Sam Bradford will have to prove his worth after losing four of five of his guys up front, but he still has dangerous weapons like two 1,000-yard rushers in DeMarco Murray and Chris Brown, plus the freakishly-talented Jermaine Gresham.

As we “celebrate” the two-decade anniversary of The King being unceremoniously shown the door by the OU administration, some around the country are understandably taking their own shots, as well.

Some shots are being taken by those who were still shitting in their diapers when Switzer left. Others are being taken by those who have reverted back to shitting their diapers and think their bedpan is their cat Millie that died in 1977.

Get off my lawn!

Today’s cloud-yeller, Tim Hutton, takes umbrage with The King’s not-so-subtle backhand of Howard Schnellenberger in Rohde’s Oklahoman story. What really stuck in his walker was this:

Rock bottom came during coaching stints by former player John Blake and Howard Schnellenberger.

“I hated to see that, especially for John, the mistakes he made,” Switzer said, before adding, “I didn’t feel that way for Schnellenberger, though.”

Make mine a double.

Hutton, who apparently knows dick about Oklahoma football and gives The Drunk some folksy, WTF moniker – “The Voice” – doesn’t think Howard was some old, boorish drunk who sent players to the hospital due to heat stroke, took a dump on the history of one of the most storied programs in college football and would have completely decimated Sooner recruiting were it not for John Blake coming in to at least do that well for the following three years.

I give The Voice a huge advantage in this clash of egos.

Switzer did run a dirty program in his final years, and I can understand why Schnellenberger distanced himself from him.

The Oklahoma job was a bad fit for Howard.

That’s about as simplistic as Sarah Palin watching Pootin from her backyard. The topper is that Hutton starts reveling in the glory of increased page views and unique visitors, calling for FAU to play OU in a bowl game.

I gots three for ya here, Tim:

1. You got it. Let’s put each other on the schedule. We’ll even go home and home. We’ll even spot you two touchdowns and a handle of Jameson in Norman.
2. First, you have to make it to a real bowl game to play us. No, we’re not accepting an invitation to the Prefabricated Furniture Bowl sponsored by Palm Harbor Homes.
3. Were FAU to turn water into wine and actually make it into a real bowl, there’s no fucking way you’re another Boise State. Bring it.