Tilting at Windmills

Not that there’s anything wrong with that (unless you’re the NCAA).

Really … Stoolwater versus this …

SELLER: Deion and Pilar Sanders
LOCATION: N. Preston Road, Prosper, TX
PRICE: $21,000,000
SIZE: 29,122 square feet, 10 bedrooms, 9 full and 4 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: The ultimate party and family ranch. 2 story entry, sunken living, banquet dining, your own Dave and Busters, indoor basketball court and bowling alley, indoor and outdoor pools, movie theatre, billiard room, hall of fame gallery, football field, 12 acre lake, tennis court, guest house, 10 car garage, furniture negotiable, approx. living area 29,112 sq. ft. and 38,831 gross sq. ft. footage in main home.

Dez isn’t as dumb as I thought he was, which admittedly would have taken some doing.

Rarely do we get to bag on ex-Sooners. John Blake and sometimes Troy Aikman have it coming.

Dean Blevins, he of so-so talent at QB who was a participant in one Sooner magical play against Nebraska, consistently out-douches himself. It’s not as good as the time he compared Stoops’ management style to bin Laden. For those of us with shorter memories or those who didn’t see the January 2002 article before Joe C most likely told him to take it down (I emailed Castiglione myself, he actually replied and thanked me for pointing it out to him – yeah, that was me, Deano), here’s the damning graph:

Note: The above-linked story obviously doesn’t make the comparison, but find the passage about a 1/4 way down that says “Have you heard the one about bin Laden coaching college football? Oh, I forgot. Can’t tell you that one.” That’s douchebag Dean’s girl-slap at Joe C.

“Stoops is the bin Laden of college coaches: Each wanted by a bunch of folks with a bounty on his head and neither snatched. Each slippery, elusive and a mastermind. Each bunkered and surrounded by confidants whose lips are as sealed as a dead man. One cave in Afghanistan and one in Brookhaven. And each infrequently calls press conferences infrequently with people listening and watching with bated breath.”

This time, it’s just the run-of-the-mill Deano being his usual self-flaggelating self. He’s taking his usual odd-giving asshattery and saying there’s a 75% chance that Sam Bradford is out for the season.

After reporting with great certainty and his usual breathless vigor that HE’S the one bringing you the story, Blevins slimed his way backwards:

“As we reported Sunday night, sources tell me the injury sustained by OU QB Sam Bradford is a Grade 3 AC joint sprain. That means there is a ligament tear and will quite possibly require surgery.

I opined Bradford’s season would most likely be over–”75 percent chance.” Thankfully, that part was wrong.

Eli Manning reportedly called Bradford and discussed how he’d dealt with a similar injury and how he’d come back after only a few weeks.

Grade 3 injuries usually keep QBs on the shelf much longer than 2-4 weeks. But Bradford was up-beat tonight and not even wearing a sling.”

Thanks for telling us exactly what we thought before you ever tried to make yourself part of the story, Deano.

Did we expect any more than this?

Mack told the Austin American-Statesman today that he’d give a stern lecture to Sergio Kindle.

“I’m going to talk to him and we’ll talk (about the situation) as a staff,” Brown said. “He said he wasn’t drinking, and there was no proof that he was. He was honest with me when he had his trouble before.”

“We’re not talking about a big punishment. We’re talking about ‘Don’t do it again and learn from it.’ That would be the extent of it if it got to that point.”

Give em a hug, Mack!

Mack said he hasn’t yet spoken to Kindle about the June 24 situation. Apparently they don’t have phones in the part of North Carolina where Mack was vacationing. For those also vacationing in North Carolina for the past month, June 24 was when the preseason All-American defensive end was drunk and was (allegedly) sending a text message … at 1:50 a.m. … after already having a drunk driving citation in his jacket … and drove straight into a UT coed’s apartment in West Campus.

We got a preview of how that conversation will likely go, however.

Brown said he recognized the problems of sending text messages while driving. He said he’s been guilty of text-messaging while driving and has “nearly bumped into people.”

That’s comforting.

At least somebody agrees with us, though. Tim Griffin says Mack needs to set an example.

Whether that prior record will play a part in Brown’s decision is undetermined. But he needs to show the kind of reaction that will catch the attention of all of his players who will be watching to see how Kindle’s case will be handled.

If Kindle goes unpunished, it could undermine discipline for what is shaping up as of Brown’s best Texas teams.

Any bets as to how many games Kindle sits out? I’m taking the under.

It’s back to the Power-I, power-running game in Lincoln for 2009. Bo Pelini’s and offensive coordinator Shawn Watson’s biggest concern will be trying to replace Joe Ganz, who were it not for a slew of great quarterbacks around the league, should have received more national recognition.

In the first of a three-part series profiling the 2009 Nebraska Cornhuskers, we first take a look at the Huker offense:

Quarterback

Pelini will be earning his money in a hurry in trying to find a new quarterback this year. Ganz, who was recruited to run Callahan’s West Coast offense is gone and you just don’t replace 3,500 yards and 25 touchdowns overnight. Then again, maybe Pelini has one up on Callahan, who was supposed to be an offensive genius and quarterbacks coach, yet thought Sam Keller was a better choice than Ganz.

Keller surely had blackmail on Callahan.

The job is sophomore Zac Lee’s to lose, especially after redshirt freshman Patrick Witt decided in the spring to transfer to Yale. Yeah, that Yale.

Lee, a junior who transferred in from San Francisco City College JUCO (he sat out a year before entering junior college, so he’s a “four years to use three” guy), is listed as a mobile 6’2″ quarterback with a strong arm. He came out of spring practrices with a leg up on redshirt freshman Kody Spano and true freshman Cody Green (allegedly, Pelini told the two that he’d consider them when they figure out how their names are supposed to be spelled). Ex-linebacker Latravius Washington moved to quarterback in the offseason, too, meaning two of two things: he couldn’t get on the field at linebacker and Pelini’s really thin at QB.

Lee’s only completed two passes for 17 yards at Nebraska, but in his one year at SFCC, he threw for 3,400 yards and 35 touchdowns while completing 64 percent of his passes.

Pelini's handing the keys to Lee.

Lee’s biggest asset, though, could be his smokin’ hot and, most importantly, single sister.

Single, “wicked smart” men, apply here.

Running back

Pelini’s power game offense in 2009 will hope to improve on the Huskers’ 37th-best (167.7 ypg) national rushing attack from 2008. He’ll be counting heavily on Roy Helu Jr., who ended up leading the Bugeaters in rushing last year with 803 yards and 7 touchdowns. Helu’s a speed back who counts on getting creases to hit, but he’s bulked up about 20 pounds in the offseason to hopefully fit more in the between-the-tackles running game Pelini wants. He missed the spring game, though, due to a hamstring injury.

Husker fans hope Helu can get loose this year.

Helu’s compliment will be Quentin Castille, who’s more of a bruiser and a third-down back. However, even in that role, he still ran for almost 500 yards last year as the #3 running back behind Helu and Marlon Lucky. He’s trimmed about 20 pounds from his bowling ball frame, though, which should serve him well since he’ll be counted on to shoulder more of a load than his 2008 total of 106 carries.

ESPN’s Tim Griffin thinks we could see 2,000 yards combined out of Helu and Castille, but given both of them were dinged up at various times last year, depth will be an issue. The problem is, nobody behind those two have any game experience at all. Redshirt freshman Collins Okafor ran for 3,300 yards and 33 touchdowns in his career at Omaha Westside High School. Brenham’s Lester Ward is a 6’2″ redshirt freshman who was one of the Top 100 players coming out of Texas. If sophomore walk-on Austin Jones sees significant playing time, something terrible has happened in Lincoln.

Offensive line

Nebraska loses three starters in Matt Slauson, Lydon Murtha, Mike Huff, who had 79 starts between them. However, injuries and ineffectiveness meant that others got starts in their places. Junior Mike Smith (6’6″, 290) will slide over from left guard (where he started 11 games in 2008) to left tackle while Keith Williams (6’5″, 320), who started 8 games in 2008, will fill his sport at guard.

The biggest move is that the Huskers’ most experienced lineman, senior center Jacob Hickman (6’4″, 295), moved over to right guard in the spring. Hickman is one of 44 players on the Rimington Award list and has 23 career starts at center, including starting all 13 games there last season. OL coach Barney Cotton (that’s really his name) hinted that they were just looking at different combinations and that the move might not be permanent, but it caused some understandable consternation amongst Nebraska faithful.

Should Hickman play guard, 6’1″, 275 pound sophomore Mike Caputo will anchor the middle of the line. Caputo’s a walk-on, harking back to the days of when the Huskers would house about 200 “non-scholarship” players with boosters.

If Hickman stays at his natural center position, the Huskers are looking at either junior D.J. Jones (6’5″, 315) or junior Ricky Henry (6’4″, 300) at right guard, neither of them with a start between them. At right tackle, junior Jaivorio Burkes (6’5″, 295) would seem to have the inside track, although he’s struggled to stay healthy. If he can’t go, the Huskers will have to find someone out of redshirt freshman Brandon Thompson (6’6″, 300), sophomore Marcel Jones (6’7″, 310) or Kansas State transfer Derek Meyer to handle duties on the right side.

Tight end

The Huskers have some real talent here with junior Mike McNeill (6’4″, 240). McNeill caught 32 passes for 442 yards and 6 touchdowns last season and should be one of Lee’s go-to guys in play-action situations. He might be the second-best TE in the Big 12, although there’s a huge gap between OU’s Jermaine Gresham and anybody else. Imagine what McNeill’s high school team in Kirkwood, Missouri must have looked like with him on one side and Jeremy Maclin on the other.

Wide receiver

It won’t help a young Lee that the Huskers lost 125 catches, 1,727 yards, and 14 touchdowns with Nate Swift and Todd Peterson moving on. Suffice it to say, the receiver race is more wide open than Seth Rogen’s stance on pot. The leading candidates are seniors Menelik Holt (6’4″, 220), junior Niles Paul (6’1″, 215) and senior Chris Brooks (6’2″, 215). Holt caught 30 passes for 355 yards in 2008 while Paul had a serviceable 23 catches for 214 yards last year. Brooks is a guy who’s been on campus for three years and has three career catches. You do the math.

Here we are, folks. The heat is bearing down, we’re relegated to watching Tour de France and tennis (I’m sure some of you are actually baseball fans) and we’re pat-pat-patting our feet in anticipation of late August and early September.

Well, it’s closer than we think. Students will be returning to campus in about a month, meaning fall practices will be starting around the same time. We at TaW are itching to get going now, though.

So, to cure your football fix through the heat and anticipation in July, we’re going to bring you a six-week series previewing the fortunes of all 12 conference teams and their coaches.

We’ll start this week with Nebraska and culminate in August with your Oklahoma Sooners. Here’s a preview of what to expect:

Week of July 6

Nebraska

In his first full season at the helm of the Cornhuskers, Bo Pelini improved a 5-7 team in 2007 to 9-4 in 2008. ponderos will look at what the defensive-minded Pelini can do to capitalize on the Huskers’ big bowl win over Clemson and what the Big Red will look like with junior Zac Lee taking over from the prolific Joe Ganz under center.

Just sayin ...

Week of July 13

Missouri

How will Mizzou look in the post-Chase Daniel era? We’ll find out a lot about Gary Pinkel’s coaching ability as he cobbles together an offense without the talents of Daniel and all-everything receiver Jeremy Maclin.

Iowa State

The Cyclones are hoping that another ex-Auburn defensive coordinator, Paul Rhoads, can turn around the fortunes from the mess left behind by Gene Chizik. ISU is paying Rhoads a reported $5.75 million over 5 years, so at least the financial commitment is there. ponderos will examine ISU’s upcoming 2009 season, which will ride and fall on the shoulders of second-year starter, dual-threat quarterback Austen Arnaud.

Week of July 20

Colorado

Is Dan Hawkins on the hot seat? He’s 8-17 in his three years in Boulder and has yet to have a winning season. TaW’s Blatant Homer will talk about whether Hawkins can put enough wins together in 2009 to save his job.

Kansas

Mark Mangino might be the most underrated coach in the country. He’s 3-1 in bowl games since taking over in 2002, including a big BCS win in the 2007 FedEx Orange Bowl. Oread Boom Kings’ Hiphopopotamus will give a Kansas fan’s perspective of the 2009 season, which will no doubt include a look at quarterback Todd Reesing, who might just be the best signal-caller in the Big 12 north this year.

Week of July 27

Kansas State

“Sleepless in Manhattan” returns to the Purple Power this year as Bill Snyder tries to turn around a program that unceremoniously dumped Ron Prince under dubious circumstances. TaW’s Coach Bo has a, ahem … special affinity for the Wildcats and will bring a unique perspective to the KSU 2009 preview. Don’t forget your Power Towel!

Baylor

TaW’s Big 12 South coverage will begin in Waco where the preseason excitement hasn’t been this high in over 20 years when Grant Teaff was at the helm. Sophomore quarterback Robert Griffin is for real and is already giving coaches around the Big 12 gameplanning fits (H/T, Mike Sherman). TaW’s Blatant Homer will preview the Bears’ 2009 chances under second-year head coach Art Briles, who already has an A&M pelt on his wall and scared the bejeezus out of Tech and Missouri last season.

Week of August 3

Texas Tech

It bears repeating: Tech beat Texas last year. The single-biggest win in corsair Mike Leach’s career caused the entire Longhorn nation to collectively and permanantly lodge their panties in their cracks. The Tortilla Retort’s dedfischer will look at the monumental task Leach has in front of him this year after losing quarterback Graham Harrell and All-American wideout Michael Crabtree.

Oklahoma State

How many years will OSU be a program on the rise? Mike “I’m a man!” Gundy had his Cowboys in the Top 10 at one time last year and many feel they should be there in the preseason, mainly due to dual-threat quarterback Zac Robinson. TaW’s duncansooner takes one for the team to research and document the Pokes’ 2009 season. No word on if he’ll offend any mothers … of children.

Week of August 10

Texas A&M

Second-year head coach Mike Sherman (4-8 in his first year at College Station) would be on one of the hottest seats in the country were it not for other problems in College Station. TaW will look at whether the Sherminator can solve the myriad of problems facing the Aggies in 2009, which include doing something about a 3-10 record to the Lubbock Sand Aggies since the inception of the Big 12, and what looks to be an ugly trip to Norman.



Don't you wish you had him back, Aggies?

Texas

BCS-gate, Asterisk-gate and another year without a conference title. Sounds like nothing much has changed for Mack Brown and the Horns. They’re pinning their hopes on a 2-1 record in the last 3 games against Oklahoma, though. TaW will look at UT’s fortunes with third-place Heisman finisher Colt McCoy returning for his senior season and Sergio Kindle trying desperately to stay on the team, barring his turning any more west campus housing into a Junior’s Party Barn drive-thru.



Add that to the trophy case, Mack.

Week of August 17

Oklahoma

Is this the year Stoops finally gets over the BCS hump? Some publications are putting OU’s defense as tops in the country. Indeed, the Sooners’ defensive line could rival the Harris-Dvoracek front from the early 2000s. Heisman winner Sam Bradford will have to prove his worth after losing four of five of his guys up front, but he still has dangerous weapons like two 1,000-yard rushers in DeMarco Murray and Chris Brown, plus the freakishly-talented Jermaine Gresham.

We’ve been quiet here on TaW about Sergio Kindle’s drunken rampage through Austin’s west campus for one reason only: I’ve been on vacation.

Not the kind of vacation Sergio likes to take where he’s rolling with his boys at 2 a.m. (admittedly), drunk (allegedly), careens his ride into some girl’s west campus apartment (admittedly), flees the scene (admittedly), has his boys help extricate the car and push it down the street so hopefully nobody will notice (admittedly) and waits 8 hours to call anybody and own up to it (admittedly).

No, I was on the kind of vacation that involves lots of sand, water and a roller girl offering to do the dishes. I’ll save that for another post, though.

Kindle, penciled in at starting defensive end for the Horns this fall, was already on TaW’s Texas All-Garbage team for a 2007 DWI. At the time, Mack Brown showed a lot of sack (or at least as much as he has) when he said the matter would be handled appropriately:

“We’re aware of Sergio’s situation and are disappointed anytime one of our players is accused of wrongdoing,” Texas head coach Mack Brown said in a statement. “We take a strong stance against drinking and driving and will thoroughly investigate this situation.”

Mack manned up and suspended Sergio for three games – Arkansas State, TCU and Central Florida. Mack has some delicious suspension choices on this year’s schedule with Lousyana-Monroe, Wyoming and UTEP all looking like nice Kindle-less candidates. Let’s see what kind of a “strong stance” Mack takes this time around.

The kicker here is easy, though: Kindle should be in fucking jail. Don’t quote me some bullshit Texas statute that says if you flee the scene of a property damage accident, all you have to do is leave a fucking note. If you’re not a star defensive end/linebacker at the University of Texas, APD is going to put you in jail for that little stunt, seeing as how you already have a drunk driving citation on your jacket. That’s common fucking sense.

What really happened that night? Well, internet anonymity aside, as an Intertubes message board veteran of almost 15 years, I’ve learned to smell bullshit from random posters. A person claiming to be a west campus resident who saw the aftermath sounds legit, though. You’ll have to scroll about halfway down the page to read the entirety, but here’s the main part you’re looking for:

His lawyer claims “his left front tire struck the curb, causing him to lose control. What the lawyer probably does NOT know is that the left hand side of the street is always packed (and was that night) with parked cars.

Sergio managed to drive through an area where there was no curb until about 5 feet before the wall he struck, because it was the driveway for the Jefferson West garage.

There is no way he could have hit the curb with his left front tire, unless he is referring to hitting the curb when he was already careening into the wall at 30mph.

I distinctly heard two screeches separated by about 1 second, then a loud crash. I, and most other people who live along the road, came out on their balconies to look at this spectacle. A large silver sedan (Grand Marquis?) with maybe 24″ or 26″ chrome rims, and I think airbag suspension (it made a loud hiss when they finally pushed it down the curb).

Sergio got out of his car, got down on his hands and knees, spitting blood on the ground (you can still see it) yelling “MY LIFE IS OVER,” likely a reference to how this could be/was a second offense to his DWI two years ago. He then slammed the back of the car, and got in to try to start it. No dice, that car was dead. One of his passengers said “Serg, calm down! No one is HERE yet. NO ONE KNOWS YOU DID THIS.” Sergio continued to freak out, understandably, then they got their stuff together, and pushed the car out of the wall, and up the road. I couldn’t see what happened after that, but apparently they abandoned the vehicle about two blocks north.

Our love-hate friends over at Barking Carnival got cute and decided to go take some pictures of the scene, concluding “meh, no big deal.” It looks like when they got there, workers were just beginning and all that showed was a little hobbit hole. Well, we at TaW did our own investigative work:

Does that shit look minor to you?

Kindle’s jock-sniffing lawyer, Brian Roark, of course says his client did the right thing by calling the apartment complex the next morning and owning up to it – instead of doing it immediately like anybody else would … if they were sober.

“He knew he was hurt at the time and that he needed to go home and go to bed.”

Read: He needed to sleep it off.

It’s almost like they teach a class at Belmont on what to do if you’re busted or think you’re going to get busted for DUI – not a bad idea considering the Horns’ string of arrests in the past 3-4 years. Even worse, UT thugs are now progressing from simply kicking in coed’s doors looking for a stolen TV (allegedly) to actually driving right into their bedrooms.

"I didn't need no car. Serge is a pussy."

Kindle says he’ll pay for the estimated $8,700 in damages himself, admitting fault in the matter. Seriously, does this smell right to anybody else outside of the 40 Acres? Who’s going to replace all of the property inside the apartment that he destroyed?

He knows he’s damned lucky that:

a. Neither 21-year-old Ashley Zapata, nor anybody else was home, nor did he injure anybody (allegedly) except himself.
b. His boys had the foresight to help him move his car down the street, probably recalling the lessons learned from the DUI-avoidance classes the UT AD supplies (allegedly).
c. The Texas criminal statute is so poorly written that he might just escape on a loophole the size of the hole he put in the apartment.

The complex is also moving Ashley and her roommate to another apartment, which given that the girl is inconvenienced and no doubt has some emotional trauma thanks to a drunk, fuckup football player, may skirt the line of a minor NCAA violation.

Ask yourself this, too: how many of us (myself included) who have daughters would be taking Kindle, UT and all of Kindle’s boys who helped him cover this up to the civil suit woodshed over the incident? Does anybody seriously think that’s not going to happen?

I’m not going to take one iota of Horn-fan’s moral righteousness over shit this year, either (not that I really ever have). No doubt we’ll see Sergio in the Cotton Bowl in October and, barring curbs, last calls or buildings, he’s talented enough to have a good game against the Sooners.

Don’t worry about whether or not he and Mack are going to catch a ration of shit for it that day, though: my seats are two rows above the tunnel. I’ve got this one.

As we “celebrate” the two-decade anniversary of The King being unceremoniously shown the door by the OU administration, some around the country are understandably taking their own shots, as well.

Some shots are being taken by those who were still shitting in their diapers when Switzer left. Others are being taken by those who have reverted back to shitting their diapers and think their bedpan is their cat Millie that died in 1977.

Get off my lawn!

Today’s cloud-yeller, Tim Hutton, takes umbrage with The King’s not-so-subtle backhand of Howard Schnellenberger in Rohde’s Oklahoman story. What really stuck in his walker was this:

Rock bottom came during coaching stints by former player John Blake and Howard Schnellenberger.

“I hated to see that, especially for John, the mistakes he made,” Switzer said, before adding, “I didn’t feel that way for Schnellenberger, though.”

Make mine a double.

Hutton, who apparently knows dick about Oklahoma football and gives The Drunk some folksy, WTF moniker – “The Voice” – doesn’t think Howard was some old, boorish drunk who sent players to the hospital due to heat stroke, took a dump on the history of one of the most storied programs in college football and would have completely decimated Sooner recruiting were it not for John Blake coming in to at least do that well for the following three years.

I give The Voice a huge advantage in this clash of egos.

Switzer did run a dirty program in his final years, and I can understand why Schnellenberger distanced himself from him.

The Oklahoma job was a bad fit for Howard.

That’s about as simplistic as Sarah Palin watching Pootin from her backyard. The topper is that Hutton starts reveling in the glory of increased page views and unique visitors, calling for FAU to play OU in a bowl game.

I gots three for ya here, Tim:

1. You got it. Let’s put each other on the schedule. We’ll even go home and home. We’ll even spot you two touchdowns and a handle of Jameson in Norman.
2. First, you have to make it to a real bowl game to play us. No, we’re not accepting an invitation to the Prefabricated Furniture Bowl sponsored by Palm Harbor Homes.
3. Were FAU to turn water into wine and actually make it into a real bowl, there’s no fucking way you’re another Boise State. Bring it.

Bob Stoops was relaxed, Jeff Capel was funny and Sherri Coale was, well, resplendent in a teasingly low-cut loose gray dress – not that anyone noticed – as the Sooner Caravan made its stop at the Airport Hilton in Wichita Tuesday night.

Stoops was Stoops, praising the 350 in attendance and acknowledging Wichita’s growing significance to the football program as a recruiting hotbed.

“But not being specific,” Stoops said, chuckling. That’s OK, Coach. I will be. Blake Bell is going to take the Short Bus McCoy to the woodshed for the next four years.

He told the crowd that the Sooners will make another run at a natty next year – you know, that thing that Texans believe they’re entitled to, that thing that makes them cry like the entitled titty babies they are when it slips away – as it does every year.
Interestingly, the HBC tempered his criticism of the offensive line.

“They’ve done enough in the winter and spring to win,” Stoops said. “But I’m the sort of guy who wants to see it on the field.”
Stoops also guaranteed competition for the kicking positions.

And he paid homage to the four players who backed off the NFL for another run – Sam Bradford, Jermaine Gresham, Trent Williams and Gerald McCoy.

“I think that speaks volumes for the kind of program we run,” Stoops said.

Capel talked at length about his experience last week at the NBA Draft, including his excitement when Phoenix tabbed Taylor Griffin.
But he indicated that expectations won’t lessen with the Griffin brothers gone.

“It’s Willie’s team now,” he said.

Capel said newcomers Tommy Mason-Griffin, Tiny Gallon and Steven Pledger will play a big role on the club.

Coale was, as usual, the best speaker of the group, telling the crowd that the Sooner women will run and fire treys at will.
And, she expects to continue the program’s domination of post-season player and coaching awards.

“I think some other schools are getting tired of that,” she said, chuckling.

The 2009-10 Sooner women will be “more mobile,” Coale said, led by junior point Danielle Robinson, who’s playing international ball this summer.

But, senior Abi Olajuwon’s conditioning work this summer has led Coale to believe she’ll be a presence on the low block.

“No Dream Shake like her father, but we believe she’ll help us,” Coale said.

Finally, OU AD Joe Castiglione – who’s put on some serious weight – told the crowd that the department’s cumulative student athlete GPA is just short of 3.0.

He also talked about the AD’s contribution of millions to the school’s general fund “during these challenging times,” reminding the crowd that the school stood behind the AD while Donnie Duncan was trying to destroy the football program.

(Editor’s note: That’s my shot at DD, not Joe’s.)

Sadly, however, the OUAD seems to be lagging behind in the apartment collision department, with no reports of players under the influence – of a phone or whatever – crashing into buildings. I’m sure we can count on Joe to work on that weakness.

The Columbus Dispatch has put together a comprehensive list of all 119 Football Bowl Subdivision (nee Division 1) schools and rated them for their transparency in everything from graduation rates, spending and NCAA violations. Naturally when somebody starts compiling a list like this, what’s the first thing they try to find? You got it: an OU violation.

As part of this exercise, the Dispatch learned that an unnamed (redacted) Sooner football player went to an NFL party with a former teammate (redacted), paid for by said former teammate:

“The school’s report: An unidentified football player traveled to an NFL draft party as the guest of a former college teammate. The $1,300 trip, which included use of a credit card, was paid for by the former teammate’s agent. The school erased all names from the violation report.

Penalty: The football player had to repay $832 to a charity from his scholarship, a federal Pell grant, and the school-issued spending money he received during the team’s trip to the BCS National Championship game.”

The report also showed that OU was less than forthcoming, but they weren’t alone. Of the 69 of 119 schools who cooperated in the six-month investigation, around half censored flight manifests, 80 percent gave limited or no information about summer jobs and 90 percent gave redacted information regarding NCAA violations. Their reasoning? The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA), which is ostensibly to protect students’ academic records from public view, has been intepreted by universities to redact enough information to keep Office Depot in business on Liquid Paper and Sharpie sales alone.

For their part, Texas A&M didn’t censor a thing. Guess what happened? Bam – violation uncovered.

The school’s report: At least two football players sold complimentary tickets. One player sold six for the Alamo Bowl for $600. Another sold two for $200 to the Texas game. Both lied about their involvement until confronted with evidence. NCAA rules forbid athletes from selling game tickets. The school erased the athletes’ names from the public report.

Penalty: The athlete who reaped $600 was suspended from the bowl game and had to sit out two games during the 2008-09 season. The other athlete was a senior who had exhausted his eligibility.

The whole story: The suspension largely was kept quiet. At the beginning of the season, the football coach said that a player on defense who sat out the Alamo Bowl was on the bench again for violating team rules.

A lot of schools just gave a big finger to the study, which was probably a good idea when what this showed was that schools who generally cooprated ended up narcing on themselves:

Nebraska, Nevada and West Virginia, for example, refused to release any documents on NCAA violations in the name of student privacy.

Florida blacked out nearly every word of NCAA violations involving its football and basketball teams, but it didn’t censor as heavily such details about other sports.

FERPA is the reason the University of Cincinnati said it blacked out every word of an NCAA infraction involving members of its men’s basketball team between 2002 and 2004, during Bob Huggins’ tenure as coach.

FERPA is the reason the University of Kentucky said it didn’t identify any of the men’s basketball players who ate free meals last year at a booster’s restaurant.

FERPA is the reason Ohio State strips most names from every record — including its own letterhead on faxes.

Other schools used more, uh, creative methods to skirt being outed in the report.

Texas, whose revenues and expenses dwarf the rest of the Big 12, simply made it too expensive to get the information, ergo they didn’t release shit.

The University of Maryland wanted north of $35K to produce the information. Most schools turned it over for free.

Like we’ve said here before, there’s a lesson here: don’t self-report. Until everybody is made to play by the same rules (H/T U$C), the NCAA simply will not investigate your mama’s downtown LA condo for years unless you cooperate openly, honestly and fully.

Seeing OU on a violations list like this again just gives fodder to those who are looking for an excuse to bash. The one minor infraction uncovered doesn’t seem particularly egregious compared to Arizona State’s and Ohio U’s gambling offenses, but a black eye is a black eye. It’s also obvious that you can’t watch every athlete who goes to every party, so you have to apprise these kids on what they can and cannot do and trust they make good judgments. However, if Joe Cash (or Stoops) isn’t briefing the players on what are and what aren’t violations, somebody better by god should.

Never say we’re not sensitive.

News of Greater Ada native Jeremy Shockey’s recent hospitalization in Las Vegas tore at our heartstrings. We were shocked (see what I did there) to learn that Shockey was found unconcious on Sunday, in the middle of the afternoon, at a Hard Rock Casino pool party called “Rehab” (#irony). The New Orleans tight end was suffering from “exhaustion,” according to a Saints rep, likely the same kind of “exhaustion” we all feel after ordering just one more Cuba Libre immediatley after the table changes dealers and some middle-aged Hong Kong woman deals you another goddamned 16.

I'm exhausted just watching him.

Shockey, who has long been known as a mentor, role model for children and all-around damned fine citizen is apparently getting better and is “rarin to go.”

“He’s doing fine, ” (Shockey’s agent Drew) Rosenhaus said Tuesday. “You guys will see him next week. If I have anything to add, I’ll call you back.”

Rosenhaus hung up before fielding additional questions.

We at TaW are so happy, we’re a little verklempt.